“We wish we’d talked about it”: Families urged to discuss funeral wishes

This Dying Matters Awareness Week, we're encouraging people to have open conversations about death, dying and funeral wishes - highlighting the lasting difference even a simple conversation can make.

Led by Hospice UK, Dying Matters Awareness Week aims to break down the stigma around talking about death. But new insight from our recent members survey suggests the issue isn’t willingness, it’s knowing how to begin.

While many members say they feel comfortable talking about death in theory, that confidence often disappears when it comes to speaking with loved ones. And for those who have experienced loss, a common theme emerges - they wish they had talked more, sooner.

In this recent survey, OurCoop members shared regrets about not knowing what someone wanted, not discussing funeral arrangements, and not asking simple but important questions.

“I wish I had known what he wanted.”
“I wish I’d asked if they were scared.”

Glenn Barsby, Head of Funeral at FuneralCoop, said: “These are some of the most important conversations we can have, yet they’re often the ones we put off the longest. What we’re hearing is that people want to talk, they just don’t know how to start. And when the moment passes, that uncertainty can turn into regret.”

FuneralCoop is encouraging people to take simple, practical steps:

• Start small - it doesn’t need to be one big conversation
• Ask a simple question - “Have you ever thought about what you’d want?”
• Talk about what matters - not just plans, but feelings and wishes
• Use real moments - a life event or shared experience can open the door
• Write things down - even basic wishes can make a big difference

Our members said that they most struggle to talk about saying goodbye, end-of-life care wishes, funeral arrangements, supporting someone who is grieving and financial matters and wills. Yet these are often the conversations that can bring the most comfort and clarity later.

Members also spoke about the reality of grief, describing it as deeply personal, long-lasting and often misunderstood. With participants revealing: “Grief takes many forms and many years to work through”, “It’s the one universal event that binds us together”, “It is ok to talk about it”.

We are also encouraging people to talk more openly about grief too - sharing memories, acknowledging emotions and supporting each other without judgement. Funeral homes across the network host monthly grief coffee mornings, open to anyone in the community - whether they have used FuneralCoop’s services or not - creating safe, informal spaces for people to talk, share and feel less alone.

We also offer access to GriefChat, an online bereavement support service developed by trained specialists. Available Monday to Friday, 9am–9pm (with email support outside these hours), the free service connects people directly with experienced counsellors who can listen, provide guidance, and help individuals understand and process their grief.

This Dying Matters Week, FuneralCoop is encouraging people to take just one step - ask a question, start a conversation - because when it comes to death and dying, small conversations now can make a big difference later.